just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
