Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
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