Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
