awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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