I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
