my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
