no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
