If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
