It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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