I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
