Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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