my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
