I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
