you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Randomize
