so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
