I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again