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• (847): View more from Illinois

  So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.

  (541): View more from Oregon

  Together?

  (847): View more from Illinois

  Preferably.

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.

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• (757): View more from Virginia

  ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.

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• (510): View more from California

  And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"

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• 

  23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce

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• (631): View more from New York

  She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.

  (1+44): View more from

  When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.

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• 

  The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral

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• (949): View more from California

  Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.

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• (713): View more from Texas

  Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.

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• (559): View more from California

  They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.

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• (303): View more from Colorado

  If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable

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