walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis