oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
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trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...