So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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