thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
