I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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