He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Randomize
