since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
