When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize