this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize