I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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