Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
