I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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