so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
