She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
