stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
