i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
