Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
my god I love twenty year old dicks
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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