Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
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