dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize