Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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