Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
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