he thought i was a dude.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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