Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Randomize
