i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
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