Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
