rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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