What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
