So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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