dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
