I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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