y did u give ur computer a hand job?
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize