I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
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