No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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