Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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