My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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