I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
