Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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