Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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