We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
