That's intense
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
