I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
I should be sponsored by Trojan
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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