sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
