now i know why i became what i already was.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
