if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
