In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
