he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
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