I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
