Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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