Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
