Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Randomize
