I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
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At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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