I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
