Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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