This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
