it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
