Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
