so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
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